Kill me
by willnotupdate
Summary: Harry tries to commit suicide, but fails since a certain blonde slytherin stops him from falling and almost kills himself in the process. slashy :o.
1. Default Chapter

Title: Just kill me is it? Chapter: 1 Written on: 13th October 2003 Disclaimers: J.K.Rowling owns everything except for my plot... which is mine... did I already say it was mine? no? the plot is MINE!!! *evil manic laughter*  
  
(A/N: Im writing this straight after an argument with my mam. i weirdly enough got inspired to write about hate. hmmm...)  
  
(BTW: something like //i want ice cream\\ are thoughts (I robbed the idea from A.Dee who is an excellent writer... READ HER STUFF!!!)  
  
Harry was on top of the astronomy tower. He was sitting on the edge looking down into the unseen depths. He looked at his watch //oh what a shame, it's five past midnight. Aren't I supposed to be meeting that boy, whats his name again? Donald or something. Whoopsies!\\ Harry laughed to himself and continued to stare down into the dark grounds that were Hogwarts. Harry was just wondering about how far it was and whether it would hurt if he 'fell' when a voice sounded behind him.  
  
'And what brings the great Harry Potter here?' A cold laugh sounded.  
  
Harry didn't have to turn around to see who it was. 'Fuck off Malfoy!' He spat.  
  
'Ooh! What's wrong? Not in the mood?' He brushed back his silvery blonde hair. 'Scared that i'll beat the crap into you? Possibly kill you?' He laughed.  
  
'No, i'm not scared of what you could do to me, i'm sure i'd be happy if I were dead. I'm scared of what I could do to you.' Harry continued to stare.  
  
Draco laughed louder than Harry had ever heard him do so. 'What you could do to me? HA! Don't make me laugh! What could YOU possibly do to ME?'  
  
This time, it was Harry who laughed. 'Don't you remember? I'm the great Harry Potter, and apart from that I can do alot more than you think. I wouldn't mind being a murderer for once. It'd make a change from the glitz and glamour of saving lives.'  
  
Draco's lips curled into a smirk. 'So you're thinking of joining Voldemort?'  
  
Harry gave him the dirtiest look he ever could. 'No.' He smirked back. 'I'm thinking of wiping him out altogether. Him and his death eaters, not forgetting you of course.'  
  
A sudden flit of fear spread across Draco's face but then dissappeared as quickly as it came, but it wasn't quickly enough for Harry to miss it. 'You think you're so great don't you? But the funny thing is, you're not.'  
  
Harry smiled serenely. 'I know.' He laughed then, a shiver ran up the Slytherin's back. 'I could never kill anyone. Well maybe one person. But no one else.'  
  
Draco looked worried for a split second before his stormy eyes returned to the mist that was normality. 'And who's that?'  
  
Harry smiled again, almost unnaturally. 'What are you expecting me to say? You? No. The least obvious person you could think of. Go on, guess.'  
  
Draco's eyes glazed over in thought. 'Ron? I know you were supposed to meet him today, when obviously you haven't because you're here.' Harry shook his head. 'Hermione?' Yet again, the black haired boy negatively shook his head. 'That uncle of yours? No? Then i don't know who.'  
  
Harry smiled as he slowed backed away from Draco towards the edge of the tower. 'Me.'  
  
Draco's face was covered in fear. 'NO!' He dived over to Harry pushed him away from the wall and went over himself. Harry ran to the edge of the wall but couldn't see any trace of the blonde slytherin. //He's probably lying on the floor in a bloody mess.\\ He thought. 'YOU STUPID PRICK! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO DO?' Draco shouted at the top of his voice. 'NOW GET ME THE HELL UP!' Harry saw where the voice was coming from and offered a helping hand. He pulled the boy up and felt him push him down onto the floor and pin him down. 'Are you nuts? You could've killed yourself!' Draco shouted, but not as loudly this time.  
  
Harry laughed. 'Well that was the intention.' Harry looked confused when he stopped laughing. 'But why bother to save me from myself?'  
  
It was Draco's turn to laugh this time. 'I thought it was obvious! Maybe us two aren't up to scratch with noticing the obvious.'  
  
Harry smiled. 'Actually it's pretty obvious that you're crushing me.' He tried to wriggle free but gave up. 'So what's so obvious?'  
  
Draco smirked. 'Oh nothing.'  
  
Harry glared. 'Well if it was nothing then I'd be dead right now. So tell me!'  
  
'I can't tell you.' Harry opened his mouth to protest but Draco closed his mouth. 'Let me finish! I said I can't tell you, but i can show you.'  
  
Harry grinned. 'So where are we going?'  
  
Draco smirked. 'Nowhere.'  
  
'Then how can you show me?' Harry pouted. 'I wanna know now.'  
  
Draco's face returned to normal. 'You wouldn't want to know.' Draco got up and turned to decend the stairs of the tower.  
  
Harry's face suddenly dawned on what Draco was trying to say so he got up and grabbed Draco's arm. 'It wasn't that obvious.'  
  
Draco's eyes widened, mixed with fear, disbelief and suprise. 'Then why did I save you?' He recovered from his initial shock.  
  
Harry grinned. 'Well you obviously wanna kill me yourself. But just so as you know, that aint gunna happen.'  
  
A large smirk grew on the other boy's face. 'Nope, you're wrong. A hundred and fifty points from Gryffindor for Harry Potter being so stupid.'  
  
The Gryffindor smirked then said, 'ok... then whats so special? Why save my life after five and a half years of hating me?'  
  
The silvery blonde laughed. 'You still have so much more to learn about me. I've never hated you. Yes, maybe disliked now and again, but never hated.' This left Harry looking confused so Draco carried on. 'And anyways, why do you want to die so much? What is there in dying that isn't in living?'  
  
Harry bowed his head and muttered, 'not living. I'd rather die than live another minute in this fucked up world.'  
  
Draco looked ready to throw him over the wall himself. 'But why? Why die, you have so much here for you!'  
  
Harry glared at him. 'NO I DON'T! There's nothing here for me! I have no real family, the people I live with slap me silly 24/7, my godfather, my only hope, just died because of me. Could you live with that? Could you live with the fact that you killed someone you love? I can't. I fucking hate it. Everyone follows me around like I'm some idol that saved a billion people. Why can't they see that I haven't? I've killed people, cedric and sirius.' He dropped to his knees with his head in his palms and began to cry. 'It's all my fault.'  
  
Draco's eyes started to water. He didn't want Harry to die. He knew what he wanted Harry to do. 'Listen, you didn't kill any of those people, Voldemort killed Cedric and Bellatrix Lestrange killed Sirius. The last thing Cedric and Sirius would want is you dead. And to be completely honest, that's the last thing I would want too.'  
  
Harry looked up with puffy red eyes and asked, 'what do you mean? Tell me.' He finished firmly with a shakey voice, but it still had it's effect.  
  
Draco took a deep breath. 'You'd want to die even more if I did.'  
  
'You don't know that! For all you know I might like what you've got to say.' Harry protested. He wiped his eyes and got up. 'For all you know, I might like you.'  
  
Draco looked at him suspiciously. 'In what way?'  
  
Harry went red but Draco couldn't tell because it was so dark. 'In everyway possible.' Draco's eyes lit up but before he could say anything Harry pulled him forward into a deep kiss. When Harry broke the kiss Draco was left speechless. 'So why did you stop me from jumping again?'  
  
Draco finally found his voice. 'I... erm... yeah.' Well, almost did.  
  
Harry grinned. 'I'll slap you if you don't say.'  
  
Draco smiled. //He's just plain gorgeus.\\ Harry thought to himself. 'I was supposed to say that I didn't say why I did it and anyways it doesn't matter anymore.'Draco was suprised to even hear himself talk.  
  
Harry smirked. 'You want to hug me, you want to kiss me, you want to love me, you want to mar-' Draco shut him up with a silent kiss which quickly turned into a fight for control. This time Harry was speechless when they broke contact.  
  
Draco had a big grin across his face. 'Yeah, and?'  
  
'Propose then! And I dont accept cheap 2 Carat gold. I want proper welsh gold, that stuffs expensive, and you're wearing the dress, those things are freaky.' Harry chuckled. 'I wouldn't mind a McLaren F1 either, and a nice big house in the country. Oh, and no dogs. ESPECIALLY not bulldogs.' Harry shuddered. 'Evil things they are.'  
  
Draco chuckled. 'Why not bulldogs? I know there's a story to that one.'  
  
Harry smirked. 'Nopey no story to tell.' He said and poked his tongue out.  
  
'I'll tickle you!' Draco grinned.  
  
Harry had a fake look of fear on his face. 'Oh no! Anything but that!'  
  
Draco pinned him down. 'Tell me about the dogs or else!'  
  
Harry smiled. 'Well, did you ever hear about that woman i blew up in 3rd year?'  
  
'Yeah, she was your aunty or something.' His grey eyes sparkled amusingly.  
  
'Well she breeds bulldogs. She's always been a right cow to me. On my cousin's birthday, i think i was 10 or something, her favourite dog chased me up a tree and she wouldn't call him off until it was one o'clock in the morning. I hate them bloody things.' Harry had a complete look of hate on his face.  
  
Draco pretended to pout. 'But I like dogs.'  
  
Harry felt a chill go through his spine. //Dogs? Sirius. He's dead. Because of you. It's all your fault. You need to die for what you've done. You should be in Azkaban. But then there's Draco, does he really care? Sure he saved you once, but what does that prove?\\ Harry said aloud, 'a lot.'  
  
Draco looked concerned. 'A lot?'  
  
Harry smiled fakely. 'Nothing, I was just thinking.'  
  
Draco looked at the other boy suspiciously, 'what's wrong?'  
  
Harry felt anger surge up in his veins. //Don't get angry at him. Calm down. But what if you kill him too? Now that you're happy again, what will happen next? When will you kill him?\\ 'This isn't such a good idea. You'll die like everyone else. Everything good that happens to me vanishes in an instant just to make me feel worse. Voldemort will kill you. I know he will!'  
  
Draco hugged Harry. 'He doesn't have to know, we can keep it secret. Don't worry about me, it's you we've got to worry about.'  
  
A single tear dropped down Harry's face. 'This is too good to be true. It'll end soon.'  
  
Draco smiled. 'Not if I can help it. We will stop him, you mark my words.'  
  
(A/N: OOH! will i kill draco or will i kill harry or will i kill voldy or shall i just let voldy die of a heart attack and leave draco and harry get laid? tough choice. im always open to ideas! and yes, i know that there was way too much dialog in this but ill make it up to you next chapter. REVIEW! :o) see ya!) 


	2. AUTHORS NOTE

Hi :o) a bit of bad news... some good news too... do you want the good or the bad first??? I'll give you the bad... My disk drive broke a while ago when I got a new computer an all my fics were on disk. So I kept writing my fics on my old computer but couldn't upload them because I didn't have internet on that computer. I wrote about 5 chapters for 'the wrong hands' and 12 chapters for 'If Sirius Black had a daughter' I had a new fic on there too... but the disk doesn't work on this computer and I sold my old one so I'll have to start all over again :o(  
  
The good news is that I'm back up and writing again and have got a brand new disk to start all over again. I'll be writing new chapters for everything over the next week or so and will continue from there.  
  
Another thing, I've got to remove 'Harry's dilemma' or at least remove it then modify it because it's illegal, one of my reviewers pointed out that I'd used a real life character (J.K.Rowling) so I'll have to remove it before I get sued :oD Don't hurt the reviewer that told me (Losing Grip) because I'm glad she did and she's a great writer :o)... I aint got 50p in my back pocket to get sued for let alone a hundred squillion quid...  
  
I think that's it... I'll add this as a chapter to each fic and hopefully there'll be a new chapter up soon to replace it :o) Byeee!!! 


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